101 Worlds That Will Never Be In Kingdom Hearts
by SyrticSyncopator
Summary: Sora, Donald, and Goofy get into more trouble than usual when they find themselves in some of the most bizarre or just plain stupid worlds ever introduced to the Kingdom Hearts fandom. unrelated oneshots, crossovers, on-hold
1. Mighty Morphin'

**Blanket Disclaimer:**

To sum it up, my name is Kirsten and I love fanfiction. I'm a huge fan of Kingdom Hearts. This is a culmination of my two likes - Kingdom Hearts and fanfiction.

Thus, I do not own Kingdom Hearts -nor do I own any other series included in this collection- and in no way do I attempt to gain profit from my stories (aside from the reviews I receive from my fellow authors). I'm merely conveying the many deluded scenarios I've thought up to the world **:3 **

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**101 Worlds That Will Never Be in Kingdom Hearts**

Mighty Morphin'

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"Donald?"

"What, Goofy?"

"Why d'ya reckon-"

"I can't answer your question, so save your breath."

"Sora?"

"Yeah, Donald?"

"_What_ are they wearing?"

_The trio stood in what seemed to be a normal suburban town. They'd just finished patrolling for Heartless and Nobodies when a two-headed snake-man appeared in front of them, seeming as though he might actually be made of plastic. For a moment, the trio believed someone was playing a joke on them. At least, until..._

Several figures jumped out of nowhere -each donning a different-colored body suit with a matching helmet- shouting the names of dinosaurs. Ridiculous music blasted through the vicinity, but the trio seemed to be the only ones able to hear it.

The suit-clad strangers began shouting at the monster, and then pulled out tiny, strangely-shaped guns, blasting at the snake fiend. Sparks flew everywhere as it gave a horrible shriek.

"I think they can handle that for themselves. Let's go before this music kills my hearing!"

And with that, Sora, Donald, and Goofy retreated to the Gummi ship, on their way to a world that needed saving from something _besides _their ridiculous costumes and overused theme music.


	2. RIVAL's House

**A/N: **Thanks so much for the support! Hope you like this new chapter!

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**101 Worlds That Will Never Be in Kingdom Hearts**

RIVAL's House

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"What time is it?" a man in a white lab coat asked -or at least that's what Sora thought- when a rectangular bubble appeared at his feet with those exact words. He moved his mouth to reply, but no words came out, and a text bubble did not appear at his own feet. He struggled for a moment, and finally a panel appeared with several different time selections. He pointed to a specific one that appealed to him because none of the worlds he had encountered had their own time system – well, that or they just had no use for clocks and watches.

It read, "11:59 PM."

"I overslept!"

The lecture about Pocket Monsters he was given passed in a hazy blur, but one annoying Azumaril later, Sora found himself in the back of a moving truck, pixelized and unable to move. Several moments later, a red rectangle appeared next to him, and he automatically moved towards it. Now he was outdoors, standing in front of a tiny house. Another pixilated figure emerged from the house and turned to him.

"We've finally made it, SORA! You can go upstairs and look at your new room."

The figure moved back into the house, and he passed her on his way to the stairs. In the tiny house, two muscled figured walked back and forth holding boxes, their skin an unusual grayish-blue.

Sora noted with amusement that his room was already decorated with a television, a clock, a computer, a bed, and a map. Next to the television was a foreign gaming system that he ignored. He descended the stairs and was met by the woman from before.

"SORA, how do you like your room? I believe the neighbours would like to meet you! Why don't you go introduce yourself?" He began to move again, unwillingly, and found himself standing in front of a house with a white sign.

"RIVAL's house." The brunette noted the horrible music in the background as he entered and went upstairs to find RIVAL.

'Riku?!' He saw a boy with silver hair sitting at the computer, lost in whatever he was doing.

". . . and then you . . . GAH!" The boy moved back as Sora tapped him on the shoulder, and was instantly greeted with," SORA! Where are we?"

'So it is Riku,' he thought, when a scroll down menu appeared, hovering in the air. He scanned through them quickly, stopping on 'SAVE' and an image of the Gummi ship appeared. He and Riku silently cheered as he touched the floating word.

Finally able to speak and move on their own accord, the two high-fived in the cockpit of the ship. Suddenly, Sora's face contorted into a look of pure horror.

"Where are Donald and Goofy?"

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Donald let out a string of indistinct profanities as he struggled violently against the spherical device.

"I've never seen one like that before! Maybe it's rare!" The duck cursed the pair of boys that had commanded their fire-breathing monsters to attack him, and even more so when aforementioned boys began to toss red and white plastic balls at him.

The duck sighed in defeat as another sphere came into contact with him, this time succeeding in capturing him. Three clicking noises sounded, signifying that he had no other hope but to wait for the Keyblade wielder to rescue him. After a while, he decided to rest; after all, it wasn't as if _Goofy_ would be able to do anything.

"Donald?" He cracked an eye open, hearing Goofy's voice from outside of the casing," Where d'you reckon Sora is?"


	3. Your Backyard Friends

**A/N: **_The last chapter was icky to write, but it had to be done. This one was spur-of-the-moment, and a whole lot easier . . . then again, it's for a toddler show_ -.-

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**101 Worlds That Will Never Be In Kingdom Hearts**

Your Backyard Friends

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The Keyblade Wielder deadpanned, staring down the yellow hippopotamus garbed in a red dress. She, in turn, stomped on his oversized shoes, glaring up at him. Donald, Goofy, and four other animals watched in fear.

They were in the backyard of a pink house with a magenta door, standing underneath a large tree. Aside from the hippo and the travelers were a pink thing –for lack of better term- , a purple kangaroo, a brown moose, and a blue penguin.

"You almost squished Sherman!" The hippo screeched, flailing her arms and jumping. Sora didn't flinch as the animal hopped on his feet; he'd been dealt much worse from Kairi when she was having one of her "off" days.

However, he did falter at the mention of 'Sherman'. "Who?"

"Sherman the worman," the undistinguishable pink one interjected. The hippo continued to jump, additionally throwing her arms akimbo.

"Well I'm sorry that your pet can't avoid extremely large shoes." At that, Donald began to cackle, earning a kick from red-dressed creature. He gave an indignant cry and raised his staff, a spell rising on the tip of his tongue. This sent the bow-tied penguin into a frenzy.

"Ohmigosh, ohmigosh, ohmigosh! He's going to blast us to bits, and then he'll blast our bits to bits, and then-"

"Pablo," the violet marsupial said with a warning tone, obviously annoyed and accustomed to the penguins raving. The penguin, Pablo, ignored him, continuing to run in a circle and babble incoherently.

"Pablo!" This came from the moose, who tapped his foot impatiently, just as exasperated with the penguin as the kangaroo was. By now, the hippo had stopped ranting and Sora had stopped glaring at her. All attention was directed towards the bird.

". . . and then – and then he'll blast-"

"PABLO!" The pink thing shouted, clearly unbothered by the entire situation. Pablo stopped, focusing on her.

He scratched the back of his head sheepishly, "Sorry, I guess I got a little carried away."

"That's alright," said the moose. "What should we do today?" All five had failed to notice the absence of the spiky-haired teen, the lanky dog, and the temperamental duck; it was as if they'd forgotten all of the events prior to their current conversation.

"We should be ninjas!" Pablo exclaimed, running forward while bent at a very awkward angle. "Fwoosh!"

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	4. Forbidden for a Reason: 1 of 2

**A/N: **Um, um, um . . . oh!! Just remembered –**grins-** this is a very special chapter; it's a two-shot!! I decided that, as birthday-torture for myself, it would be the longest _101_ chapter thus far **;D **That being said, it's not as "parody-ish" as normal.

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101 Worlds That Will Never Be in Kingdom Hearts

Forbidden for a Reason (1/2)

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"What the -" Sora was left speechless by the sheer sight of the hall that lay before him. Four impossibly long, oak tables spanned across the room, stopping just before another, grander one. His eyes skimmed quickly over the mass of students, all clad in black robes – and some in hats- and then the unusual collection of adults –teachers, maybe?- that oversaw the students' actions from their elevated position in the chamber. The Keyblade's master began to weave through the crowd, surprise creeping into his features when his actions were quicker and unhindered by his usual attire.

"I'm wearing . . . a cloak? Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" He muttered hotly beneath his breath; after all, his normal clothing _was_ infused with magic, but he also liked how utterly abnormal it was. _It made me seem like a trendsetter…_ Shifting the cloak a little, he grinned through his annoyance when he was greeted by the sight of his abnormally large shoes. "Hah, at least I've still got you guys!"

Sora felt a tap on his shoulder and turned, only to be met by the rather skeptical gaze of a frizzy-haired girl much younger than he. "Excuse me, but are you … talking to your shoes?"

"No, I was just checking to see if they were there."

The Keybearer groaned; his answer sounded much more logical in his head. The girl laughed, offering a hand to the indignant teen. "You must be a Fifth-Year at least!" She exclaimed, her tone wise and slightly supercilious. "My name is -"

"Who the bloody hell are you?" A redhead ambled over, stopping to twist around and glare at the blond two tables away. "I've never seen you when I came 'ere with Fred an' George."

"I'm Sora," the Keyblade Wielder mumbled, sliding onto the bench next to him. His gaze was instantly captured by the enormous amount of food that lay before him. "And the dog and duck are Donald and Goofy." He was so spellbound that he had yet to realize his companions were not with him. The two children sat, too, the girl to his right and the boy on her other side.

The redhead stared incredulously, "Blimey! You're a bloody Yankee!" He was so shocked that he disregarded the comment about the animals, focusing primarily on the accent that the boy in front of him possessed.

"Huh? No, I'm from Destiny Islands. I've never even heard of a bloody anky before." The brunette girl beside him became very intrigued at the mention of the islands, yet she continued to listen intently as the man spoke, his voice gentle and authoritative.

"Well," another boy whispered, sliding into the unoccupied seat on his left, "welcome to Hogwarts."

"Hog-what?" Sora questioned idly, eying the assortment of food that lay before him on the vast oak table. More than three-quarters of the students mimicked him, completely absorbed in their dreams of feasting, while the remaining ones keenly listened to the wizened man's speech, hanging from every word as if their lives depended on it.

"… I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you." Cheers roared through the once-silent dining hall as greedy fingers began to grasp at the delicacies strewn before them. After grabbing his third sweet roll, Sora finally realized something.

"Donald and Goofy!" he hissed, standing without protest from the other occupants of the table. Keeping an eye on the instructors, most of who were currently chatting away, with the exception of the bearded man who'd spoken earlier and the long-faced man who sat beside him. Sora could feel a pair of eyes scrutinizing his actions but he ignored them, slipping into the corridor before anyone could stop him.

"Donald? Goofy?" the Keyblade Wielder called quietly before he resolved to check outside. He called out again, louder this time, but was met by no reply. After stumbling down two sets of stairs and tripping over the root of a tree, he was struck by an idea.

"Fire!" He whispered, and three flames danced around him, illuminating the darkened sky. Sora began to walk again, but stopped, hearing another set of footsteps. "Hey-"

He turned, his glare dissipating at the sight of the three kids he'd spoken with earlier. The red-haired boy was bent over, wheezing with his hands on his knees, his face red as if he had just run a marathon.

"We couldn't let you go alone, and- oh no! Look where you've led us!" The girl's voice became a higher pitch and she shook her head. "We need to leave."

"Why? Where are we?" She shot him an incredulous glance before explaining in her all-knowing tone. All focus was on her now, and the gravity etched into her features was frightening.

"We're in the Forbidden Forest - and really deep, too, judging by the lack of animals." At that, the boy with glasses groaned, placing a hand over his forehead and hissing through his teeth; this earned the concern of all three of his companions.

"Are you okay?" Sora asked, eying him warily. "You look a little pale."

"It's just my scar," he replied, reluctantly pulling his hand away. "It does that from time to time." A silence fell over the group as they began to retrace their steps, each silently hoping they had chosen the right path. The quiet was broken when a large figure stepped in front of them, grunting and shaking its head.

"Blimey! Wha' do you lot think yer doin' 'ere?!" The boy with glasses grinned at the sight of the large person.

"Hagrid!" The boy with the scar said with a grin.

"Hello thar, 'arry. I think it's best we get yer frien's out of 'ere quickly, before we're caught," he whispered, eying the surrounding darkness warily.

"Caught by _whom_? I thought this place was off-limits?" The girl asked, her supercilious tone seeping into her words as she stared up at the man in defiance. "There can't possibly be anyone here!"

"Well, missy, I'm afraid I'd hafta disagree with that," he retorted, ushering the group forward. Sora cringed, feeling something brush against his leg. He looked down and saw a pathetic looking dog hobbling beside him, saliva running out of its mouth at an alarming rate.

"I see you've met Fang, 'ere," Hagrid said jovially, and the dog wheezed. "Down righ' coward, 'e is."

" … I need to find those two before this thing drowns me." The Keywielder muttered, the dog's drool already soaking the side of his robes. "Yuck!"

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	5. It Was Obvious: 2 of 2

**A/N: **Part two! I am really grateful for the support this story's been receiving, so thank you to everybody who's left a Review or added this story to their Favorite or Alert list. Thanks to the people who haven't yet, too **:3 **I'm just glad people are _reading _this!

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**101 Worlds That Will Never Be in Kingdom Hearts**

It Was Obvious (2/2)

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After a night of searching accompanied by the gamekeeper –since he was determined to keep them out of trouble during their first week, at least – the group returned to the castle and slept, catching only several hours of sleep before they had to attend classes. Sora was dragged to the first class by the trio he had met the day before, unable to persuade them that he had a stomach ache, let alone that he was from another world entirely.

"Gwarsh!"

Sora froze, recognizing Goofy's voice amidst the chatter of the students, all considerably smaller than himself. Hagrid greeted the class before beginning his presentation.

"In all my years as a gamekeeper at Hogwarts, never 'ave I encountered such unusual creatures as the two I've got for you today."

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	6. The Candyman Can

**A/N: **Sorry for the absence! I've been busy with school starting up again, but there was no way I could resist the temptation of scaring readers with another chapter **;P** It's been far too long since I last read a fear-induced review.

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**101 Worlds That Will Never Be in Kingdom Hearts**

The Candyman Can

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"What are they _doing_?" The Keyblade's master eyed the group of children distastefully as they began to _lick_ the walls, and even more so when their guardians began to do the same.

"Why, they're just tasting the wallpaper! It's one of my finest creations," the man closest to him replied, adjusting his orange top hat ever so slightly. "It took ages to get the snozzberry to taste correctly."

"The what-berry?" Sora turned, vaguely aware of Goofy's increasingly-close proximity to the wall. "Goofy, please don't do what I think you're about to-"But it was too late; the captain of Disney Kingdom's Royal Guard shamelessly tasted the wall along with the group of tourists. Sora sighed, turning to give Donald an inquisitive look.

"What?" At least the duck had some sense. He stood, impatiently tapping his webbed-foot, and Sora fought a grin as he turned to the candy maker again.

"But that's fruit, not candy, and that's what _I_ call **very** bad wallpaper. Besides, I don't see the point in it."

He received a weary glare from the man, "That's what _I _call one of my earliest experiments, but I suppose you're right, young man." Suddenly, he crouched down to address Sora, whispering quietly enough so only the boy could hear, "By the way, I only sent out five Golden Tickets; we seem to be exceeding the tourist limit. I suggest you leave now, or else I'll have the Oompa Loompas deal with you."

The Keyblade wielder turned to his companions quickly; they needed to leave immediately. Sora didn't know what Oompa Loompas even _were_, but they must have been bad from the sinister tone the man had used when he mentioned them. It was too bad; they hadn't even reached the real candy yet!

"C'mon, Goofy, we have to get out of here!" He received no reply.

"Heartless!" Still nothing.

"Nobodies?" Sora was running out of ideas.

"You don't know whose hands have been on that wall!"

That caught the attention of all the room's occupants, and Sora took this as an opportunity to grab Goofy's gloved hand and yank him away from the wall. Donald followed behind the pair, muttering unintelligibly as the man in the orange top hat scowled and his guests watched in confusion as the trio left.

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	7. The Talkingest Damn Thing You Ever Saw

**A/N: **I'm apologize profusely for my absence, but the _101_ train is back on track!I've got a plethora of fandoms to introduce to our _KH_ friends, and a few familiar faces to throw into the mix ;P

**Warning: **contains Axel (I personally imagine it somewhere in 358/2, but you can PwP)

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**101 Worlds That Will Never Be in Kingdom Hearts**

The Talkingest Damn Thing You Ever Saw

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"I mean, look at his hair! …and he can do this fire thing, too!" The old woman croaked, gesturing wildly at the red mass that spouted from the Nobody's head. "Here, he'll show you!" She gave a sharp tug at the rope around his neck.

"I don't think so." Axel stood tall, completely unperturbed despite the woman's incessant yanking. The knight sitting on the other side of the rickety wood table shot him a sympathetic look before shooing the woman away, but she pleaded for another chance.

Leaning conspiratorially toward the knight, she proudly declared, "Well, I've also got a talking donkey!" Axel forgotten, she led her other captive forward roughly, and the pyro took the distraction as an opportunity to sneak way.

"Hey, I can fly!" The redhead spun on his heel just as his dark portal appeared.

A boy in green cried out excitedly, "He can fly!"

"He can fly!" Three oddly-dressed pigs cried from within a cage.

"He can talk?!" The guard sputtered, falling from his chair. The entire site went into a frenzy, armored men bumbling around in an attempt to catch the flying mammal while the caged creatures hurriedly struggled to escape their cages.

"Ha ha! That's right, you fools! Now I'm a flyin', talkin' donkey! You might've seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly; but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly!"

"Well, whaddya know?" Axel laughed, turning his back on the scene once and for all. Roxas wasn't going to believe this.


	8. Where Larry Sings a Silly Song

**A/N: **Italics are song. It was NOT fun typing those parts out. But I did it for y'all :3

**Warning: **childhood memories; more commas in one place than you've ever seen in your life

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**101 Worlds That Will Never Be in Kingdom Hearts**

Where Larry Sings a Silly Song

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Though Sora could boast that his large group of acquaintances was diverse, he had never been able to say he'd befriended a vegetable.

… not counting the wonderful conversations he'd had with Rabbit's cabbages in Hundred Acre Woods. They were fantastic listeners, though.

"So, um, what exactly am I supposed to be?" The Keyblade wielder asked, although his counterparts seemed just as confused. Donald was now what appeared to be an onion, duck bill still and trademark hat still in place, and Goofy was a stalk of asparagus. Sora sighed in confusion and made to run a hand through his unruly hair until he realized he had no hands.

"And why are we in a bathroom?" Goofy muttered, staggering backward as a figure emerged from the shower.

"_Oh, where is my hairbrush? Oh, where is my hairbrush? Oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where … is my hairbrush?_

The cucumber hopped around the bathroom in a towel adorned with yellow ducks, completely oblivious as to their existence as he searched for his beloved brush.

"I think I saw a hairbrush back there," Donald offered although he had no clue.

"_Back there is my hairbrush. Back there is my hairbrush. Back there, back there, oh, where, back there, oh, where, oh, where, back there … is my hairbrush?_"

Goofy chimed in, "Why d'ya need a hairbrush? You don't have any hair." The cucumber came to a halt, aghast.

"_No hair for my hairbrush. No hair for my hairbrush. No hair, no hair, no where, no hair, no hair, no where back there, no hair … for my hairbrush …_"

A tomato barged in and Sora couldn't help but wonder why the cucumber was so comfortable allowing random strangers into his bathroom.

"Larry, that old hairbrush of yours ... well, you never use it; you don't really need it. So, well, I'm sorry ... I didn't know. But I gave it to that peach - 'cause he's got hair!" The cucumber turned to Sora in confusion.

"That's it!" Donald screeched, hopping toward the door. "C'mon, you two, we're leaving. If I have to hear him sing one more time, I'll – "

_"Not fair for my hairbrush …_"

"Flebehaslastgeaaaaah!"


	9. What Time Is It?

**A/N: **Here's another request! I didn't have much to work with for this one since the channel that airs it is strict about Internet posting, and I only watch it casually anyway ... I hope it's okay =/

**Warning: **extremely high chance of getting bit by a Lumper and becoming lumpy, like, forever.

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**101 Worlds That Will Never Be in Kingdom Hearts**

What Time Is It?

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Sora had no more than set one foot onto the candy-green grass of the bizarre world when a sharp pain shot through his foot.

"Gah!" The Keyblade wielder glanced down to see a large purple blob biting into his shoe. "Heartless!" Donald raised his staff to blast the creature and Sora closed his eyes, anticipating the jolt of Thundaga that was likely to destroy the Heartless and his shoe. And then the cloud-shaped creature detached itself from his foot with a sigh.

"Sorry, but you got in my lumping way. Oh well, I, like, already got Jake anyway." A crash sounded from the teen's left and he turned to see a girl garbed in pink hopping toward a dog with glasses and a boy with a strange hat from atop a tower of marshmallows.

Oh how Sora was going to enjoy this place.

"Hey now! Royal intervention." The pink girl regarded the hovering purple cloud, the dog, and the boy with a withering stare.

"Gwarsh, Sora," Goofy muttered, "she kinda reminds me of Kairi!"

Sora stifled a snort before returning his attention to the girl. "There must be an antidote to the Lumps!"

"The what?" Sora blanched, his previous laughter forgotten at the prospect of being infected by the purple creature that currently hovered beside him.

"Yah, there's an antidote, _but_ you have to go all the way to Lumpy Space to get it," the purple cloud explained. "_And_, Jake and that other guy have to use it by sunset."

Sora cut in, "And what if we don't take it in time?" The purple cloud's eyes grew wide and glassy before it replied, wiggling it's arms to add emphasis.

"They'll be lumpy, like, forever."

Sora began to panic, "Can you tell us how to reach Lumpy Space? I can't be a … I can't be lumpy!" While the Keyblade's master wasn't completely certain of what his acquired lumpiness would entail, he had a feeling it would involve behavior and a physical form similar to that of the strange purple … thing. And Riku would never let him live it down once he caught wind.

"Yeah," the cloud replied. "I mean, there's a portal nearby; I could show you, whatever … just don't go telling everyone about the portal or whatever; it's kind of a secret."

"Well, where is it?" The bespectacled dog asked, his arm bulging grotesquely due to the Lumps.

"Portal's that frog and mushroom," the lumpy creature muttered.

Suddenly, Sora found himself itchy, compelled to use the word "lump" in every possible phrase, and a whole lot less enthusiastic about this new world.


End file.
